Unbelievably we have now been home for over a month and the twins are 3 months old. They will be 14 weeks old on Saturday.
The last few weeks have flown by in such a blur of feeding and changing and cuddling. There has been a lot of laughter and a lot of tears, but we are doing it, getting to know each other and our ways, and becoming a real, true family. It is so exciting even if we are too tired to appreciate it for much of the time.
After the first few days at home we found that getting into a routine was not going to be possible. All the books recommend waiting til a baby weighs 7lbs before trying for a routine and as William has only just reached 6lbs this week we still have a way to go. So we are completely baby led at home for the time being. For the most part all they do is feed and sleep and so patterns do form. But they are not consistent and so we are not too worried about it all at this point, we are just trying to enjoy having them home.
I am still exclusively breastfeeding the twins which is apparently something of an achievement. The Health Visitor says that I deserve a medal, a mummy medal! All I know is that it is hard work, physically and emotionally. I seem to spend all my time feeding and sometimes that is wonderful if both babies are content but often I am feeding one baby and the other is screaming with hunger waiting their turn. I do try to feed them together as often as I can and this is becoming easier as they get bigger and better able to control their heads.
The few people who have seen me with the babies say that I look relaxed and confident, a natural. I don’t feel that way. I worry that I am not doing things right, that I am not doing enough. Being a Mum is hard work. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and I am determined to do it right, especially this early stage which is a lot of hard work for very little response. This is more true I think with twins and with prem babies so this period has been a real challenge for both David and I, and I am proud of how we are doing. The babies are healthy and growing steadily. The Health Visitor is always very pleased with them and the progress that they are making. I just wish that I felt more like a Mum and I wish that I was not so tired all the time that I am sometimes wishing this special time away in that I am waiting for sleep or waiting for the time when the babies will start to interact more and smile!
I take great comfort from the Internet that tells me that I am not alone in my feelings. I have also had excellent support from my friends, old and new. Mostly via Facebook as we are not able to see lots of people, especially those with children, because of the risk of infection.
We have started to have a few visitors now and that has been wonderful. It is good to show off the babies but more importantly for me it is good to talk and remember bits about my life before the operation and NICU and the babies.
My best friend, Michele, comes every week and is a wealth of knowledge and advice. She always comes bearing gifts of chocolate cake and is willing to listen to me witter on. David’s Mum is also a good listener and swaps an ear bending for some cuddles. This week I have caught up with the girls from Frittenden School which was fabulous as they always make me laugh and they have been there for me throughout the IVF and the pregnancy too. The trouble with all my friends being teachers is that I can only really see them in the holidays so this week has been busy with visitors and then there will be no one for a while.
I do not want too many visitors though and we do have to be so careful to avoid the babies getting an infection, particularly as we are now in the midst of cold and flu season. I am not very good in the mornings, that is my time and the babies. We catch up on sleep, tidy the house, sort the washing, have a bath and have lots of feeds and cuddles. Generally 2pm is a good time to venture out or receive guests.
We have been getting out and about a lot. We have been to the beach at Whitsable, Leeds Castle and Scotney Castle. We have walked around the footpaths behind Charing and around our village.
The babies love being out in their pram and they also love going fast in the car, much to David’s delight!
Anyway, this was a general post just to let people know that I am still here and do intend to continue writing. I hope that people will carry on reading as I focus now on more specific posts.
Time to feed and change the babies now.