I stumbled across this post today http://thesyders.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-was-i-am-i-will-be.html and decided to use it as inspiration for a post of my own. I love the idea of thinking where I have been, where I am and where I am going to. I have been many things in my time and so choosing the three most significant is quite difficult to do, particularly where the past is concerned. I have been many things, not all as good as I would like. For the purposes of this blog about parenting though I think that I should tell you about how I was a Nan and Granddad’s Girl, how I am a Mummy and I will be a wonderful wife!
Here goes …
As a young girl there was nothing I loved more than being with my Nanny and Granddad Jock, my Dad’s parents. For my very early childhood they lived just up the road from us at 167 Grange Road, we lived at 205. I would often spend time with them in their house and garden, and in my Granddad’s shed. My Granddad was good at making things out of wood. He made my sister and I a wonderful dolls’ house and he made us hobby horses too. He also made a money box for all the cousins in which he used to save up money for us to spend on our holidays. As an extended family we used to go to Haven or Pontins and we all had a wonderful time. My Nan made wonderful soup and dumplings which I loved. Every Sunday we used to go to their house for a roast dinner, the whole family and it was just great. On Saturdays people would come to our house for tea and cards. I remember that my Granddad used to talk to anyone and everyone whenever we were out and about. I remember, correctly or incorrectly, that he used to take me to the high street and buy me shoes. I remember as I got older not saying that I liked things when out with Granddad because often what I said I liked he would buy. When we moved to Cyprus and left my Grandparents behind I was devastated. They came to visit us at least twice a year though and they always brought pic n mix sweets that you could not buy outside of the UK. I loved their cuddles and as I got older I adored their company. Especially my Nan. After Cyprus we lived again in England for a short while and I spent so much time at my Nan and Granddad’s house. I used to play swingball in their garden and dig for treasure that Granddad had buried near the runner beans. I used to love the smells in the shed and the greenhouse. I can still smell them now. After eighteen months we moved away again to Germany and again left Nan and Granddad behind. Again though they visited us often and I cherished the time that we had. When I was 13 my Granddad died. I found him, in the extension, after he collapsed with his heart. He died after or during an operation I am not sure which. I remember being so angry with my parents because they had not let me see him in the hospital before he had died. We stayed in England after he died until the funeral. In my Nan’s house. I spent all my time doing school work as I was worried about missing so much school. I sat on a pouffe that Nan and Granddad had brought home from Cyprus. I own that pouffe now. It is split and losing all its stuffing but I will not throw it out. I love it as it reminds me of them. I also have the foldaway coffee table from their house that I did my school work on and played scrabble with my Nan on whilst eating maltesers. Nan loved maltesers. My Granddad died and I missed him so much. At that time I wrote a diary and for months afterward I addressed it each day to my Granddad. Dear Granddad Jock, it would say. Losing my Granddad made me even closer to my Nan. Neither of us went to his funeral. I sat in her lap at Aunty Barbara’s house, I remember to this day. She had been so good to me when my Mum’s Dad had died and held me while my parents were at his funeral, I wanted to hold her through Granddad’s too. I used to love coming home from Germany to Nan. We would watch Countdown and Home and Away together. We would play scrabble and cards. We would go up the corner shop to buy scratch cards. My Nan loved her scratch cards! I loved my Nan so much. I remember that I used to devour her Mills and Boons books as a teenager and I remember how over the years the text size got larger and larger as she began to lose her sight. Nan had a stroke before she died. I remember her getting older and smaller and funny with her awkward ways. But she was always wonderful to me and me to her. I have never had a bad word to say about her and never could have. I idolised my Nan and was heart broken when she died. I still think about her all the time and I miss her everyday. I miss them both and wish with all my heart that they could see me now that I am a mother of children of my own. I know that they would be so proud. I was and always will be a Grandparents’ Girl.
I am a mother myself now. I cannot believe it actually but it is true, and true twice over as I am a very lucky mother of twins. If you know me or read this blog regularly then you will know that I find being Mummy to twins hard sometimes but I would not change it for the world and when I look at my beautiful children my heart fills with love a-new every single time. One of the things I am most proud of is that I have breastfed Esther and William for almost 7 months now, and I have no plans to stop anytime soon. It is one of the most precious things that I do as a Mother but it is also the one thing that means I get no time at all to be anything apart from a Mummy. When I am tired and grumpy David will remind me that I chose to breastfeed and so really chose to be so tied to the twins, which is true but I had hoped by now that I would be able to get out long enough to pop to the gym or the shops or just have some time to get reacquainted with me. It is a tricky situation; that one of the things that I love the most about being Mum is also the thing that exhausts me the most and can lead to me having difficult times. I do wonder how other women feel. I find breastfeeding very easy. Both babies latch on well and feed efficiently, I have plenty of milk that flows freely. With all of this going for me I still find it hard and so to have any of these things not working as it should it must make breastfeeding nigh on impossible, especially with two. I would encourage Mummy’s to try breastfeeding as it is a wonderful experience but I would also say to not be too downhearted if it does not work for you as there are so many other magical mummy moments coming your way. The smiles, the giggles, the firsts, the farts … Everything and anything will be noted as a milestone or occasion of some sort as you celebrate this life that you have made and share and celebrate. I am a Mummy and it is a wonderful thing!
I will be a loyal and loving wife. In less than 7 months! I will be a Henley and I just cannot wait. Over the last four years I have come to know David and love him with all my heart. I have fallen in love with him over and over again in the time that I have been fortunate enough to know him. He is amazing and I am so so lucky that he is mine. He is funny and clever, he is strong and kind, he is ambitious but homely, a loving father and my bestest friend. I would follow him to the the ends of the earth and I would trust him with each and every one of my dreams. He is my life and I want to be everything I can for him when I become his wife. Mrs Jennie Henley I will be, and I cannot wait!!!
And everything I am, was, will be and can be has been leading to this one moment, the most important moment of my life when our family circle is complete.
I was, I am and I will be me, in all my guises, for all my many ways, and I know that it is as it should be and I dream of what we will go on to become x